Kathy Brown recently emailed this to an online group to which I am a member and I thought it was worth republishing. Read and enjoy.
The story you are about to read is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Thursday, January 12th. It dawned a clear, cold day. As I (lowly pattern designer) began my day - looking forward to a good day of filling orders, painting a new fabric line, and writing new pattern directions, the phone rings:
LPD (me - otherwise known as lowly pattern designer): Hello, The Teacher's Pet
IC (otherwise known as irate customer): Who?
LPD: This is The Teacher's Pet, can I help you?
IC: yes you can (angrily). I got this damn pattern at a quilt shop and it's all wrong. Why did you write something that is not right?
LPD: (holding the temper in check) Can you tell me which pattern you have?
IC: I don't know. The lady said it was the easiest pattern she's ever done and she was wrong too.
LPD: I'm sorry but I cant help you if you cant tell me which pattern you have.
IC: It says Teacher's Pet.
LPD: Yes ma'am, but that's my pattern company. Each pattern that I produce has a name. Can you tell me the name of the pattern? It will be at the top of the directions.
IC: Well hold on (aggravated) Here it is. It's Take 5.
LPD: OK now we're getting somewhere. Can you tell me where you are having a problem?
IC: Well if I knew that I wouldn't have called you now, would I?
LPD: (temper still in check, but getting strained) Ma'am, if you can't tell me where you are having a problem, then I suggest you take the pattern back to the quilt shop where you purchased it and ask them to help you.
IC: Purchased it?
LPD: (light bulb going off) Yes, you did buy the pattern from a quilt shop, didn't you?
IC: I would never have bought a pattern so incomplete as this one. No I didn't buy it. A lady that was buying fabric in the quilt shop - she gave it to me. She said the pattern was easy. And it's not. I keep flipping through these pages and nothing makes sense.
LPD: (light bulb flashing furiously) So you have multiple pages of directions, and they do not make sense?
IC: That's what I said. Are you hard of hearing too? Yes - I HAVE THREE PAGES.
LPD: (more than a little testy now, and counting to 10). Ma'am, what you have is a pattern that has been illegally copied and distributed, and you have not even been given all of the instructions. That is why nothing makes sense to you.
IC: (in a huff) Well how do YOU know it's been copied? YOU don't even know this person that gave me the pattern. How can you accuse her?
LPD: Because the original pattern that I have printed is formatted on 17"x22" paper, front and back. NOT individual 8 1/2" x 11" sheets of single sided paper. So the pattern has been illegally copied and given to you.
IC: (silence - about 10 seconds pass - it feels like an eternity). So what am I supposed to do now? Are you going to give me a free pattern so that I can make this quilt? I bought the fabric and I'm ready to sew.
LPD: (who thought she had seen and heard it all after 17 years in the quilt industry) No Ma'am, I'm not. I would suggest you go back to your local quilt shop where you can purchase the pattern.
IC: (angry again) Well YOU must think I'm stupid. I'm not going to waste my gas money to drive all the way back to the quilt shop when YOU can just TELL me how to make it.
LPD: (incredulous - but with an odd sense of peace slowly flooding over her). No ma'am, I don't THINK you're stupid - but I can ASSURE you that I'm not stupid either. You have a nice day, ma'am. Good bye.
As the phone gets placed down, the LPD slowly gets up, pours herself another cup of coffee, grabs the bottle of Advil, and prepares to start her day over again.
The Teacher’s Pet