Scatterday S

Did someone you love one forget to buy something special for valentine's day?

In an attempt to alleviate the stress of this all to regular situation I have persued the multitude of catalogues which are regularly deposited in my letterbox (both electronic and snail) and selected three must have items which I am certain will assist in preventing this situation reoccuring.

First up is a simple gift that initially may terrify many a brave man. At first glance it appears to be a gold wedding band but no it is more than that. A lot more. It is a SELF PRESERVATION RING. This wonderful gift will insure that important date is never again forgotten.  

This specialty ring reminds the wearer of that special date 24 hours before it occurs and in a very original and ... hot manner. 24 hours prior to the set date, the ring will heat up to 49 Celsius degrees for around 10 seconds, and will continue to heat up for the whole day, at every hour, thus ensuring the fact that the user won't forget the anniversary and even has a chance to purchase a gift just right for the day.

Next is a fashionable (their words not mine) SELF DEFENCE JACKET. This trendy and innocent looking jacket has a mere 80,000 volts of low amperage electric current pulsing just below the surface shell of the entire jacket.

They even state that the current interrupts the neurological impulses and inflicts a high amount of non-lethal pain. Although not advertised I am certain it would definitely make you, or anyone trying to touch you, itch.  

Could you imagine wearing this in our recent weather?  

Hey the ring didn't work .... just try touching your loved one and something is going to jolt it straight to number one position in the memory. No need for the cold shoulder or smoldering anger.

The third and final gift is for the fun-loving ones among us SCREAMING FRUIT. This could be left in an obvious location next time someone forgets something important, perhaps outside the door as a warning before that shocking cuddle.