The lion

If you're attacked by a Lion
Find fresh underpants to try on
Lay on the ground quite still
Pretend you are very ill
Keep like that day after day
Perhaps the lion will go away

Spike Milligan

Have a Nice Day - Spike Milligan

'Help, help, ' said a man. 'I'm drowning.'
'Hang on, ' said a man from the shore.
'Help, help, ' said the man. 'I'm not clowning.'
'Yes, I know, I heard you before.
Be patient dear man who is drowning,
You, see I've got a disease.
I'm waiting for a Doctor J. Browning.
So do be patient please.'
'How long, ' said the man who was drowning. 'Will it take for the Doc to arrive? '
'Not very long, ' said the man with the disease. 'Till then try staying alive.'
'Very well, ' said the man who was drowning. 'I'll try and stay afloat.
By reciting the poems of Browning
And other things he wrote.'
'Help, help, ' said the man with the disease, 'I suddenly feel quite ill.'
'Keep calm.' said the man who was drowning, ' Breathe deeply and lie quite still.'
'Oh dear, ' said the man with the awful disease. 'I think I'm going to die.'
'Farewell, ' said the man who was drowning.
Said the man with the disease, 'goodbye.'
So the man who was drowning, drownded
And the man with the disease past away.
But apart from that,
And a fire in my flat,
It's been a very nice day.

Spike Milligan

Interesting Trivia

A grasshopper has its hearing organs (ears for you and I) on its knees

Sunday Smile

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a 'drop off', the ground is 18-20 inches below
the level you are travelling on, and on your right side is a fire
engine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your
car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also
travelling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

For the answer click this

Scatterday A

A is for ALCOHOL which is readily available in most restaurants.

A is also for amazing turquoise coloured APERITIFS such as the glow in the dark ABSINTHE. Test this out for yourself with a pocket-sized black light or ultraviolet light . Simply shine the light on products and look for a glow.

Last but by no means least A is for Absolut vodka advertising campaigns which in some countries is quiet in your face and which can definitely leave one feeling very much in the dark.


source: http://chemistry.about.com/b/2007/03/05/glow-in-the-dark-drinks.htm
http://www.emergencemarketing.com/images/spoof%20absolute.jpg

Interesting Trivia

Every day is about 55 billionths of a second longer than the day before it

Trawling Thursday - Smile

Smile -

someone you pass today may need a pick up

25 Challenge - Laughter

Which comes first

Laughter or the smile?

Does it matter?

Both are fantastic for you

And for those around you.

Try it! You'll like it.

Terrible Tongue Twister Tuesday

.

Mr. See owned a saw.
And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.

Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
Before Soar saw See,
Which made Soar sore.

Had Soar seen See's saw
Before See sawed Soar's seesaw,
See's saw would not have sawed
Soar's seesaw.

So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.

But it was sad to see Soar so sore
Just because See's saw sawed
Soar's seesaw!

Mini Monday Madness - Raconteur

Finally found a name for my mini hexagon quilt - Raconteur.

The blocks all reflect a story of some part of my life and so the name evolved.

This one is "All of You" and reflects the people who surround us as we go. 

Sometimes they come alone other times they come with a group.

Sunday Smile

A loud pounding on the door awakens a man and his wife at 3 o'clock in the morning.
The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it's three o'clock in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I didn't, it's three in the morning and it's pouring out!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago, when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Well, where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk !

Scatterday X

	.

Dear Friends,
It is a long time since I have written and so will fill you in on the happenings in the White household.

Paul-James, our eldest boy and a confirmed XENOPHILE, is now truely happy having moved to Paris to study. Yes we did have concerns about his total lack of French but this does not appear to have been too great a handicap as he now resides in the Portugese House at Cite U. His lack of knowledge of Portugese is proving a greater handicap but has not prevented him from forging friendships with those around him. 

Richard, once a bookworm but now an XTREME SPORTSMAN has also moved out to live on campus. This winter he will race ducks for Thirroul and has managed so far to remain uninjured. Unfortunately, the same can not be said for his crew person who came close to being hospitalised just last week. When attempting to navigate the high seas during a mass rescue drill Richard threw him out of the duck and then ran over the top of him. From all reports he was black and blue all over as well as in need of stitches to his upper thigh.

With boys having left home Paul has more time to devote to his garden and has decided to venture into XERIC gardens as his contribution to the environment and in line with the water restrictions we have been experiencing over the years. He has managed to source several XERIC plants and feels these should survive well in our yard as we never water anyway and the labels stated they need dry environments.

As for me, well although I once enjoyed xstitiching now days I'm quilting. Last year I made a quilt from some fabrics that I won. Although the fabric designs were vastly different to what I like they had such a gorgeous feel I couldn't resist hand piecing them. Funny though when I finished the quilt the paths were overpowered by dominant Xs.

Hope you have enjoyed my catch up note and I will try to write more often.

Love Cinzia, Paul and Kendall (our dog for those who don't know)

PS the only contribution I could find for Kendall is that he has a continuous desire for eXtra food

Xenofile - a person who is attracted to foreign peoples, cultures, or customs.
duck - inflatable rubber rescue boat
xeric - adapted to an extremely dry habitat.

IF - Pet Peeves

source: www.cleanlanguage.co.uk

Trawling Thursday - Ignoble Awards

From Smiley Sue comes this little gem

The Ig Nobel Awards are global awards presented each year for unusual
scientific work. This year's chemistry award was presented to
Mayu Yamamoto of the International Medical Center of Japan, for
developing a way to extract vanillin -- vanilla fragrance and flavoring -- from
cow dung

Puts a new meaning to the phrase "it tastes like sh@t"!!!

25 Challenge - Eyes

The child watched as she walked away

Sorrow filled the air.

Tears filled her eyes.

Tomorrow.

Perhaps tomorrow.

Hope.....

bg_paper

Scatterday N

Nicholas the Nicobar pidgeon, nicknamed Nick , nicked nine NICKELS and Nicaraguan niniature NICK NACKS, from NIC, while nicking out of the nick, to nick some knickers and nicotine.

Happy Easter

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.

"What are you doing in there?" she asked.

The rabbit replied:

"This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"

The lady replied "Yes it is."



"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."

Happy Easter!

IF -Heavy

He ain't heavy - he's my supper
source:http://tiny.cc/HvHIB

Top website

This is one top website... definitely gets you looking at it more than once.

HEMA

Trawling Thursday - Pythagoras

Pythagoras (or the Pythagoreans) discovered square numbers. 

The most common method for calculating the square root by hand is known as the "Babylonian method". It involves a simple algorithm, which results in a number closer to the actual square root each time it is repeated. To find r, the square root of a real number x:

Start with any positive start value, call this r.

Find the average of r and x/r; call this r2

Now find the average of r2 and x/r2; call this r3

Now find the average of r3 and x/r3; call this r4

Repeat these steps  until the two values  are as close as desired; that is the square root.  The closer they are the more accurate the final answer.

You have to love maths!

25 Challenge - When

When did you last listen to the rain
Pattering softly on the garden path
The wind howling through the trees
Or a child laughing
When?

Summer Twirl

Another one down.  The fabric for this one was given to me by a friend who always reminds me of a young girl twirling in the summer breeze.

Scatterday L

A sure fired favourite for any party is fresh homemade lemonade with floating slices of LEMON. To avoid spillage marking wooden surfaces it is suggested that the punch and LADLE be set up on a LAMINATED BENCH TOP where spillage is easily wiped off. The following recipe is a longtime family favourite

LEMONADE

Ingredients:
1/2 cup sugar - for sugar syrup
1/2 cup water - for sugar syrup
1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
6 cup water extra, (carbonated water is sometimes refreshing)

Directions:

To make sugar syrup, bring equal parts of sugar and water to a boil, stir until sugar dissolves, and remove from the heat. Cool before using. Store unused syrup in a covered container in the refrigerator.

Put the lemon juice, sugar syrup and water in a punch bowl and stir. Add ice to chill. Float lemon slices.

Thursday Trawling

Nothings stands out so conspicuously, or remains so firmly fixed in the memory, as something which you have blundered - Cicero

25 Challenge - Coffee

Coffee Thoughts

Caffeine	Thoughts
Often	Helping
Finds	Others
Friends	Undergoing.
Expressing	Genuine
Earnest	Hurdles
	Throughout the
	Seasons

Scatterday V

What could better fit the requirements of a big pink sign than


Welcome to Las Vegas
Desert sun upon the sign
Never sleep - Open now

Thought I would try writing a haiku
It must be three lines
5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables
1 season word and 1 cutting/stopping word

Folded Flower Tutorial

This looks really interesting will have to give it a try sometimefolded flower tutorial

Thursday Trawling

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” - Oscar Wilde

25 Challenge - Coffee

25 words or Less Challenge

A new challenge for anyone who likes to play with words.

Write a blog entry using no more than 25 words on the given topic.
Choose an image, either your own or from the web to accompany the entry.
Post your entry on Wednesday.

First challenge - coffee

Posting date Wednesday 12th March

Scatterday- letter between N and P

Shriek my typewriter has just 25 useable letter keys. An unnamed individual recently spilt a darkened tinged beverage in its vicinity and rendered a key useless. Alas this week's challenge requires its usage. A repair wasn't viable and similarly time restraints meant that replacement was unattainable.

I have attempted 2 fulfill the week's requirements but alas as I am unable 2 actually name the subjects my desire is that the clues will suffice.

Within the library's depths there lurks many a MADE UP CREATURE determinedly striking fear against the unsuspecting child. Shrek is just a recent example of these creatures, but they have plagued many a child's lives and dreams.

What image is sadder that an unwanted PARENTLESS PUP but when embraced in tender arms by their new carer a sweetness permeates the scene

Called Hawaii by the crass traveller the BIG ISLAND'S NATIVE NAME triggers many images. Despairingly the years have rendered many a Hawaiian heritage building unusable including this early example which was the first place where early migrant CLERKS FILED THEIR DAILY PAPERS AND TASKS detailing the activities happening within the area. Vehicles these days are restricted and may exclusively travel in a unique way whilst traveling in the vicinity. Hey - pretty snazzy snaps were taken during my last cruise -agree?

Sydney Quilt Show

Far out where have the days gone. While wasting time today and surfing discovered that entries for Sydney Quilt show are due at the end of the week. I haven't even taken a photo of one of my quilts and my batteries died two days ago and the recharger is refusing to recharge. Why does everything go upside down at the same time?

Scatterday H

In celebration of the fact that I turned 50 on Wednesday my darling husband proposed organising a party.

We planned to have a "remember when" party for many of my dear old friends.

Searching through old photos brought back some dear memories and probably explains why no-one turned up ... apart from the fact we forgot to send out invites.

Back to the seventies was to be the theme.

HOT PINK was the in colour. Everyone who was anyone had to have hot pink hot pants. These were often worn with the matching hot pink POINTY HATS ... sun protection wasn't really in vogue at that time.

Unfortunately another rage for the happy hippies was the common hash which was often smoked prior to that fantastic game of HOPSCOTCH to Oblivion.

Sweet Hearts and Apple Blossoms

Have finally finished a UFO. I started this quilt over a year ago in an attempt to use up all of my 1930s fabrics. As you can see I didn't have many. When it was finished it looked a bit drab and boring so I borrowed some of the newest yoyo makers and viola!
I learnt a lot while making the yo yos ... like tighter is not better. May feel more secure but doesn't look as pretty.

Tagged

I've been tagged by Di - thanks very much!

Now, here are THE RULES...
1. Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Post THE RULES on your blog.
3. Post 7 weird or random facts about yourself on your blog.
4. Tag 7 people and link to them.
5. Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.

Here goes -

Did you know......

...... my husband suggested I take up quilting when I was pregnant with PJ so that I would have something to fill in my time and stave off boredom.
...... I am really antisocial ... if I don't have some solo time I become extremely edgy
...... I have a short attention span and so have over twenty half finished projects
...... I love mathematics
...... I cry at movies and even when reading books
...... I seldom cook - I had postnatal depression when Richard was born and Paul started cooking then. 18 years later he is still cooking.
...... I am allergic to chocolate and am feeling as rotten as can be after eating a whole bar yesterday ... it was only 100g

Now, I tag Andrea, Di Caine, Glenice and Moggie,Leah, Fran, Lindsay and last but not least Dawn.

Scatterday S

Did someone you love one forget to buy something special for valentine's day?

In an attempt to alleviate the stress of this all to regular situation I have persued the multitude of catalogues which are regularly deposited in my letterbox (both electronic and snail) and selected three must have items which I am certain will assist in preventing this situation reoccuring.

First up is a simple gift that initially may terrify many a brave man. At first glance it appears to be a gold wedding band but no it is more than that. A lot more. It is a SELF PRESERVATION RING. This wonderful gift will insure that important date is never again forgotten.  

This specialty ring reminds the wearer of that special date 24 hours before it occurs and in a very original and ... hot manner. 24 hours prior to the set date, the ring will heat up to 49 Celsius degrees for around 10 seconds, and will continue to heat up for the whole day, at every hour, thus ensuring the fact that the user won't forget the anniversary and even has a chance to purchase a gift just right for the day.

Next is a fashionable (their words not mine) SELF DEFENCE JACKET. This trendy and innocent looking jacket has a mere 80,000 volts of low amperage electric current pulsing just below the surface shell of the entire jacket.

They even state that the current interrupts the neurological impulses and inflicts a high amount of non-lethal pain. Although not advertised I am certain it would definitely make you, or anyone trying to touch you, itch.  

Could you imagine wearing this in our recent weather?  

Hey the ring didn't work .... just try touching your loved one and something is going to jolt it straight to number one position in the memory. No need for the cold shoulder or smoldering anger.

The third and final gift is for the fun-loving ones among us SCREAMING FRUIT. This could be left in an obvious location next time someone forgets something important, perhaps outside the door as a warning before that shocking cuddle.

Fireball

Well I definitely feel like I am back at work now.  Have had barely any opportunities to do some sewing and so have only finished one more hexagon in the past fortnight.  Hopefully I will be able to get back into them soon.  Might be able to start on another one while I am sitting at the airport this afternoon .... Richard's plane has been late every time so far so I'm not expecting tonight to be any different.

Pirate's Paradox

The title of this quilt comes from the Gilbert and Sullivan musical Pirate's of Penzance. Within that you have one skit where a misunderstanding occurs because of the way people pronounce the words orphans and often. As I often have had orphans over the years I thought this was a reasonable connection.
I made this quilt in an attempt to use up ALL of my left over blocks from projects I have made throughout the 20 years I have been quilting. After this quilt was finished I was left with only one block in my orphan box. Richard upon seeing it thought it was grand as it reminded him of so many of my other quilts.
When he moved out to live on campus he wanted a quilt that didn't matter if it was damaged and was really happy when I offered this one

Scatterday I

Due to the recent spate of illegal activities which could impact on the local tourist industry the Ivanhoe District Incorporated Opposing Tourist Scams In NSW Centres (IDIOTS Inc.) have applied to the local council for the introduction of some new ordnances.

.

Ordnance 1

In an attempt to alleviate the visual pollution and health risks posed by IBIS droppings in the inner harbour area it is now illegal for all ibis to fly over inner harbour irrespective of their wearing or not of the iconic yellow raincoat.

Ordnance 2

To prevent the import of inferior ice products which could have a devastating effect on the indigenous icreamery Ivanhoe unions instigated a ban on the unloading of all such products particularly the mango and banana ICECREAMS which are made from local produce.  It has been agreed that these are to remain on their cargo ships until they melt after which they will be unloaded.

Ordnance 3

The local CWA will once again manufacture the iconic ICED VOVO for all truely Australian functions.  Only these accompaniments are allowed for the tradional caffe latte set or the Saturday afternoon barbie.  It is believed that through the application of this ordinance all true Australian men will learn to appreciate a more rounded diet than the usual fare of beer and sangers. 

The iconic yellow raincoat, which is sometimes produced in a more in-style ivory intensity, has been included (although an infringement of the rules of game) due to its importance to our national identity ... and I like it!

What do I remember?

This month's theme is 'What am I old enough to Remember?'
Actually this is quite a coincidnce as I was recently thinking about starting on a small quilt (six inches square) using an aeroplane jelly logo. Many times I will be wandering around and that old song pops into my head

"I like aeroplane jelly!
Aeroplane jelly for me!
I like it for diner. I like it for tea.
A little each day is a good recipe.
I like aeroplane jelly.
Aeroplane jelly for me!!"

Everyone sing it together now ....

So this month's "stop and think what are you old enough to remember. You do not have to declare your age - but simply what you are old enough to remember." challenge has started me on my way.   One of the children I work with is  also studying australia and what it means to be an Australian, our culture, our icons ... just us.  Personally Aeroplane jelly is the perfect place for a totally cuturally insensitive person ... or one who remembers what is important to a child.

Anyone thinking of joining this challenge just click on the link beside

Here is this months palette should you choose to use it

Scatterday Z

Our esteemed organiser/ torturer threw us out last week with her flippant "Just take three photos of things that start with Z" spiel ... easy or not.  We, the lowly plebs that do as we are directed, set out to unravel what she REALLY meant.

 It couldn't really be to take any three photos ... something was amiss ... 

I pondered this for quite a while and then it hit me .... flaming obvious ... Michelle was in trouble and in need of our assistance  (JUSTICE had been miswritten as JUST) she had of course omitted a couple of letters in her rush to type her plea (TAKES was meant to be written rather than TAKE)  and of course being under duress she hadn't yet been able to correct this. 'Photos of 'and 'photos about' mean the same thing. And we all know what 'things that start with Z' mean .... hmmm   

Of course she meant to type ..."Justice takes three. Photos about. Things that start with Z. " She had had no time to include punctuation and boy can her  statement be misinterpreted when punctuation is omitted/inserted. 

Now that the message had been deciphered the task remained to find out just who/what was she referring to!

Using the international research data base (aka Google) I soon discovered that justice was non other than Zachary T. Paleozogt (aka ZOT) a non-nonfictional character who between 1984 to 1990 fought various villains who were planning to overrun an alternative planet Earth.  

But what happened after 1990 ... we are told nothing ... he reappeared briefly in 2000 .. then again nothing ... the talk is that he should again be 'out in June 2 008' .. 

yes we all know what those words mean don't we

 .... examine his life ... associates - criminals ... real identity - unknown ... career structure and propects - none ... pretty pathetic outlook.  

Where has he been?  

I think those words 'out in June 2008' tell us all.  But wait this is only February ... a quick perusal of online newspapers  (again using Google) revealed that in Queensland three criminals have escaped ... assumed to be disguised as ZLIKS.

So that was two parts of the message deciphered... Michelle was still under shock since Zot had apprehended three criminals who had escaped from the local establishment disguised as zliks.  

How had they managed to escape?  That was the next and final question.  Research this time needed to incorporate images ... she had written 'photos about' ... that of course meant there were photos floating about ... they had to be found and soon!  

The usual researching of known animals turned up nought but then my husband reminded me of the Mexican ZONKEY we had seen once when on vacation.  With a name the search was complete and an image found.

Hey would you have preferred a boring story about our vacation in Mexico?

references:

http://tinyurl/2bwdyo                http://tinyurl/yovaqn

http://tinyurl.com/2asuev       http://tinyurl/2z4o3w

http://tinyurl/32luut